Communication is a
very important part of our daily lives. The
skills we use to communicate will greatly
determine our level of personal happiness and
fulfillment. Effective communication makes our
lives work. It helps us make and keep friends.
It helps us become successful within our work.
Sometimes, however,
the role models we need to learn the proper
skills for good communication are not available
and problems may begin and persist without these
skills. By modeling the basic techniques, we
can teach future generations how to develop
healthier relationships.
One of the biggest
ways to turn persons off is through body
language. Our nonverbal messages disclose much
information about ourselves, our feelings and
attitudes. By increasing awareness of our body
language, we can convey to others our interests
and likings which we in turn want to receive.
We can do this by finding a close distance in
which we can talk and interact comfortably and
by maintaining eye contact which conveys
sincerity, smiling, leaning forward when we
speak, uncrossing arms and legs and allowing
expressions to show.
Self disclosure is
an important part of communication. It adds
excitement and develops intimacy within our
relationships because we are communicating
information about ourselves. The risk of self
disclosure will lead our relationships to the
level of intimacy that we desire.
Some suggestions
for this area:
- Practice
sharing factual information about
ourselves. When comfortable with this, move
on to the next step.
- Share your thoughts, feelings and needs
but only about the past or future, such as
your beliefs, hopes or thoughts on the
future.
- From here share your feelings and needs
on a “here and now” basis. This will
involve saying what attracts us to the other
person, saying what we like and dislike
about their behavior. This is the most
difficult level of disclosure but also the
most satisfying. When we risk sharing our
true feelings we can become closer to others
and create stronger bonds.
Other things to
keep in mind when disclosing include:
- Preparing
ahead of time on what we think, feel and
want within our relationship.
- Being positive.
- Taking responsibility for our position by
using “I” messages, such as “I think”, “I
want”, “I feel” and not using “You” messages
such as “You always” or “You never”. This
puts the other person on the defensive.
Listening is
another important part of communication. It is
our ability to listen that makes and keeps
relationships going. When we show others that
we are good listeners, they are drawn to us. By
taking the time to listen we learn to understand
others. Listening is a commitment to the
understanding of how others see things. It is
also a compliment to others because we are
telling them we care. Listening however does
not mean we have to sit still with our mouths
shut. Listening involves active participation.
Helpful suggestions
for healthy listening skills include:
- moving
away from distractions.
-
leaning
forward.
- maintaining
good eye contact.
- nodding
and paraphrasing.
- asking
questions.
- committing
yourself to understanding the other person’s
viewpoint.
The only way to
learn these skills is by using them. It may
feel awkward using these techniques at first but
as we continue to work at them, they become
second nature. The benefits we will gain from
these skills will convince us that it is worth
the initial discomfort.
Mark Webb is the
author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder
of Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for
Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies” Ezine
($100 Value). Just visit his website at
http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or
http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com
