Creating Balance
With Your Anger
By Mark Webb
Angry feelings are
a part of almost everyone’s life. Sometimes
anger plays a small part without any problems.
Other times, however, it becomes a large part of
our lives. We may become rigid, mistrustful, or
filled with rage.
Anger is a common
emotion but it can be difficult to deal with.
Quite often we have not been taught how to deal
with our anger. We may have been shown how to
deal with anger and it is usually shown in
appropriate ways. We may have heard that it is
not good to be angry.
We often grow up
believing various misconceptions about anger,
such as:
v
Nice people do
not get angry.
v
We might lose
control or go crazy if we share our anger.
v
If someone gets
angry with us, we must have done something
wrong.
v
People will not
love us anymore if we get angry.
v
It’s okay to get
angry if we can justify our feelings.
These
misconceptions do not work for us in our
day-to-day relationships.
So, what do we do
with our built up anger? Well, we tend to do
one of two things with it. Either we hold on to
it or we act it out in inappropriate ways. By
holding on to our anger, we eventually struggle
with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and
/or physical kinds of problems such as headaches
or ulcers. If we explode with our anger, we may
say or do things we eventually come to regret.
Neither of these approaches will work for us.
First, we need to
be aware of a few ideas about anger. We have a
right to feel angry. Other people also have a
right to feel angry. But we need to deal with
our anger in appropriate ways. Dealing with our
stored anger may take time and effort. Learning
to appropriately express our anger takes
patience.
Here are some
ideas on how to deal with anger:
-
Allow
yourself and others to feel angry.
-
Acknowledge your thoughts associated
with your anger.
-
Look for
patterns in which anger usually occurs.
-
Identify
areas where you need change.
-
Practice
talking openly and honestly about anger
without acting on it.
-
Take
responsibility for your anger. Other
people are not in charge of your
feelings.
-
Use
physical outlets such as playing ball or
yard work to release some emotional
energy.
-
Write a
letter to the person with whom you are
angry, but do not mail it. This helps
to deal with anger without anyone ever
knowing.
As we begin to
deal appropriately with our anger, we need to be
easy with ourselves. This is especially true if
we have been holding onto our anger for a long
time. Do not overly focus on anger or look for
reasons to become angry. Remember to be patient
and to allow some mistakes, because this is how
we learn.
Our anger is okay
to express when we need to.
Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great
Partner and founder of Partner Focused
Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s
“Relationship Strategies”
Ezine ($100
Value). Just visit his website at
http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or
http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com
